Aerodynamics 101

This has nothing to do with aerodynamics, but it has everything to do with aerobics.  They both involve the motion of air.  The former studies the interaction of air with a solid object (according to Wikipedia) and the latter happens to be an airbending attack on your lungs.  Besides, "Aerodynamics" sounded way cooler than "Aerobics".

Aerobics hardly seems like a competitive sport, but there are people (professionals) who have mastered the art of heavy breathing while defying the laws of gravity.  As for the remaining majority, we are still trying to cope with basics like rhythm, balance and of course, breathing.

There comes a time in every woman's life when she has the untamable desire to shed excess body fat (when is fat never in excess?).  That day threatened to make an appearance in my life.  I would have ignored it, if it was not for peer pressure and healthy-living propaganda constantly bombarding me from the media.  I was defenceless. I had no choice. And I needed a reason to wear the Nikes screaming at me from the display window.  Defeated, it was too late to save my dignity, so I surrendered.

I stepped into a world filled with fluorescent colours, 80s music and high-tech water bottles.  It was acceptable to sing along with Wham! while running an extra minute and Madonna became the motivation to do one more lunge.  The mirrors in the studio made me feel like I was living in a British dance movie from the early millennium (I really mean Billy Elliot). 

Eventually I got caught in the fun (endorphins, they should be packaged and sold).  Losing weight became secondary.  At this stage, I had already met new people, because the friend who dragged me to gym in the first place, quit after two weeks.  The only reason I stayed was because I spent too much money on gym membership (and to avoid the inconvenience of confrontation).    

When people asked why I was sticking to it, I gave them the generic "health benefits" answer.  When they enquired about health benefits, I told them it reduced one's chances of getting Diabetes or Cancer (that may not even be true).  But beyond the money or the new friends, it was the perfect opportunity to steal "Me Time" (I was serious about those endorphins).  I could be unashamedly feminine, while dressed like a hobo in an oversized shirt. 

Every enjoyable thing has its limitations or difficulties.  Perspiration for example, no one ends a class looking like the women in those Shield advertisements.  There is also the "Bitch, you stole my mat!" scenario.  Everyone knows that the mats at the gym need to be reserved if one wants to use them.  But someone's mat will always get knicked.  Moral of the story, get your own mat, because it is unhygienic to share gym mats anyway.  Also, it is not like being part of a sports team, so you miss that camaraderie developed in a team.  Everyone has their own goals and you need to have strong self-discipline to achieve your own.

Sure, your lungs take a beating (but that is just for the first few weeks) and you look like you have been running in the rain when it is over (you do not smell like it though).  But the endorphins... the endorphins make you feel like you are walking on air. 

 

   
     






 

Driving Lessons

Today I failed my driving licence test for the fifth time.  That means, over five years, three driving instructors and two expired learner's licences, I accomplished the unspeakable task of being a professional failure.  Seriously, I should frame these failed test papers and hang them in my bathroom so that I will always remember that the crappiest time in my life was not in a bathroom.  Also, it will give my guests something to chuckle about while they deal with the tragedy of my poor cooking.

I wish I had a Rupert Grint coming-of-age moment, like he did in that movie Driving Lessons. Only, I do not have a Julie Walters figure to take me on a road trip and I am not seventeen and a half, so that moment should have happened already.  The good news is I do not feel entirely defeated.  Contrarily, I feel invincible, mostly because I did not succumb to the corruption condoned by South Africans.

Most drivers buy their licences, heck, my friends bought their licences.  And even though it is embarrassing to be an immobile twenty two year old, I still have my self-respect.  I realized, it is better to feel crappy about failing because that only lasts for ten minutes, but it is worse to feel crappy about passing for the wrong reasons, because that lasts forever.  (Knowing the person I am, guilt like that would eat away at me and destroy the quality of my life every time I use a vehicle).  

I do not want to sound like an embittered person passing judgment on the people who bought their driving licences, but those people have to know that their actions make it harder for other people to get their licences without buying them.  It is disgusting how acceptable it has become to bribe an examiner, and the only reason they keep accepting bribes is because citizens keep offering them bribes.  If everyone stopped offering bribes, soon enough examiners will stop expecting them.  The problem is not the system; it is the people running the system.  Citizens need to grow some moral backbone, you are not a criminal; you choose to be one. Citizens need to do the right thing, if that means you have to take a test nine times; then do it; because at least you are standing for something you believe in.

That is how I felt today; I declared my personal war against corruption.  I reasoned that I cannot point fingers at the President, if I myself engage in corruption.  Of course failing is terrible, you feel miserable and booking appointments is taxing on your wallet, but at least be a citizen that adds value to society instead of being one who takes value away from society.

After a while, you laugh about these things.  I joke about how I am practically part of my driving instructor's family, or how the cashiers at the traffic department all know my name because I am there so often.  I should get free family photos from the photographer because I have paid him so many times to take my picture.  

When I finally do get my driving licence, I will be able to talk about it freely, and glorify God in it, because God is righteous and things like bribery do not glorify God.  

Citizens who did not buy their driving licences are awesome human beings.  Citizens who do the right thing are the good men and women who prevent evil from triumphing.  Their actions are valuable and their victories are true.   They make this country better.  They are invincible.