Being Sherlock

In the past month, I have been engulfed in a frenzy, commonly known as the newsroom.  Being able to practice journalism is a dream come true, but it has proven to be quite a challenge.  So far I have learnt that my writing skills are less than mediocre, I have terrible if not non-existent people skills and I suffer from abnormal internet dependency (which may be a misguided self-diagnosis of a too-modern-to-be-medically-documented disorder).  I have also carelessly been creating new adjectives by breaking grammatical rules and overusing the dash. 

The very short time I have spent in the newsroom has just reaffirmed that I am useless at confrontation and always anxious.  My dreams (or nightmares), involve me pitching bland stories for news conference that inevitably get cut.  At every waking moment, all I think about is the next possible story I could break.  It does not help if you covered a front page with a lead or got a byline in the paper, because the reality is, there is always a new edition to produce and you need to find something else to fill the pages, which is just as newsworthy and probably more radical. 

Contrary to the popular belief that television shows about professions are nothing like the real working world- Will McAvoy’s Newsroom is legit!  We are expected to haul out incredible general knowledge on demand, engage in debate (not just internalise all the cool arguments you could use- actually say them out loud), be tech-savvy (having three inactive social media accounts is not technologically economical) and think on your feet (because thinking with your brain is not helpful if you want to be fast enough to meet deadlines). 

 

I have learnt about Chomsky, hegemony and objectivity, and also that there is no such thing as objective truth.  But the most valuable thing I have learnt is to be Sherlock Holmes.  Be an observer; a reader of people and things.  Everything is a clue and you just need to figure out how it ties in with the bigger picture.  Be charismatic.  Be knowledgeable (of the necessary things).  Be tenacious.  Be hungry.  Be ten steps ahead.  Be a troublemaker.     

I am out of my depth, given my history of conservative, wallflower-ness, I am not Sherlock.   Sherlock Holmes is one of the few literary heroes I look up to.  Recreating him in me is madness.  Firstly, it would upset Sir Arthur Conan Doyle from beyond the grave and secondly, it would be impossible to be Sherlock without having a Watson to carry through this spectacle (and I doubt any of my friends have read enough Sherlock to truly capture Watson’s character).  

The only way I know how to deal with these explosive feelings is to bare all my insecurities in a blog for strangers to read and judge me for not keeping a journal. But I have to write this with the intention of someone to read.  I have to write because someone else wants to write (or do something equally brilliant) and their fears of inadequacy are holding them back.  Too many of my friends should be blogging, or vlogging or doing more productive, impactful, Sherlock things, but there is a tiny voice inside of them which has convinced them to do nothing.  That voice is doubt. 

 

You doubt whether you are good enough, smart enough, talented enough, Sherlock enough or just enough.  I use to feel that way about writing, but I was blessed to have a fellow writer, and a good human being share a quote that changed my perspective forever, “The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didn't write.”  That has stuck with me, and whenever I question whether I should write something that seems strange (like this post for example) I remember the words of that quote, and this one, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”  When you do what you love, the pleasure of it outweighs all the trivial things.  Do not let doubt take away from a good experience.  Even though the newsroom is intimidating for me- I love every minute of being in that rush.  

Do you think Sherlock would have solved all those cases if he listened to the doubtful voice inside of him? (And yes, he had doubts.  After his encounter with Irene Adler stupefied his crime-solving skills, I bet his ego was bruised and he felt like he could not solve another case- for like 5 seconds, but still!)     

I am nowhere near Sherlock, but it will not hurt to try.  So go do that thing, whatever it is.  Your worst attempt is the best effort you never made.  Sherlock knows, and Watson agrees.