Full Circle

A year ago I was getting ready for the Absa Capital Pioneering Young Women Conference.  I was scared.  I did not know what to expect.  I did not want to go anymore.  I had to psych myself up just to move an inch out of my comfort zone.  I “opened” my mind to it.  I put myself “out there”.  I went through with it.  In the end, it turned out to be one of the best decisions I made for my life.

You see, for many years I dreamed of being a journalist.  I wanted it so badly it hurt just to think about it.  It felt like someone had driven a knife through my heart every time I thought about writing and how I was not doing it.  I was angry.  I was miserable.  I was kept from the thing I loved and I was convincing myself to make my situation work.    

It was hard.  I was lost.  My friends were making adult-decisions, and I was… not.  They were driven and excited about their futures.  I was driven and excited by socks with the days of the week on them, it worked wonders for my laundry schedule.  They were all going for job interviews and I was working out a system to categorize my rejection letters. I was failing at some standard of “life” I created.   

And then this conference came along.  It was like rain that came after a drought.  I met some brilliant women (whom I have already written about).  It unlocked a valuable lesson that steered me into destiny: Do what you love.        

So a year later, I found myself on a plane to the Motherland.  Doing that very thing.  That thing that makes your heart beat faster.  That thing that gives you a rush that surpasses infinities in one moment.  That thing that brings you to your knees with humility.   

That thing that is so scary it is crippling, so you do your best to move forward so that you do not sink into darkness.  That thing that makes you vulnerable and happy at the same time.  That thrill.  That thing you know is the right thing, because you have never been so dependent on God’s grace for life.  

Sure, it takes courage to do it.  That is because things are hard to do on your own.  But those are your dreams, no one else’s.  You cannot expect someone else to share the same passion you have for it, or to complete tasks with the same commitment.  The fire is in YOUR heart.  It is YOUR adventure. It is what YOU love.   

I have only been doing journalism for six months.  What I know is: I am happy when I am working, and I am miserable when I am not working.  And even though I have three jobs and no money- I am rich in the experiences that have grown me. 

Someone told me that my face lights up when I talk about it.  She told me she wished she felt the same way.  She wished she loved what she was doing.      

 Do what you love.