My mother always says romance and candle-lit dinners do not
sustain a marriage; being humble enough to say sorry when you believe you are
right does. I have always been cynical
about love and marriage and always reserved my opinions on such matters. Witnessing my best friend get married really
challenged my perceptions of relationships and what they represent. Watching her vow to live the rest of her life
selflessly and surrendering her heart completely illuminated the mystery of
love I had been working so tirelessly to avoid for most of my life.
In high school I thought everyone who claimed to be in love
was an absolute idiot and foolish for making such hefty declarations that soon
after puberty. I remember thinking, good
luck with that Gonorrhea problem you will have to deal with soon. In one “Life Orientation” class I was one of
the three people who did not want to be married one day. My reason was that I did not want to spend
the rest of my life submitting to a man.
My teacher cleverly responded by saying that if I could not submit to a
spouse, how would I ever submit to the government or authority figures?
Well, that did not sway my opinion, because I hate the
government and the fifteen year old me had some vile thoughts about overthrowing it
in the future. Also, this is the same government
that has a department for women, children and the disabled- when did being a
woman be equivalent to having a disability? So truthfully my antagonism towards
marriage was just the rising feminist in me trying to find an outlet (perhaps
the wrong outlet, but I have had these aspirations fixed in the right direction since then). Nevertheless, Paul had written some insightful
things about singleness in the bible, and I was really exploiting those verses
to my advantage.
I have not always opposed marriage. I remember throwing a pillowcase over my head
and pretending to be a bride when I was hardly five years old. My friends and I would talk about our
weddings for hours. How many bridesmaids
we wanted, the colour scheme, the tiered cake, the song for the first dance,
the bouquet, the style of the dress, the centrepieces, the draping, the venue,
the hair and the nails, and the GROOM!
Together, we would dream about the ideal man we wished to marry one
day. His looks, his occupation, his
hobbies, his bank account, how he would ask you to be his wife. Fast forward to our twenties and it became
his faith, his character, his values, his intellect, how he made you feel, how
he would encourage you to achieve your dreams.
There was the Edward Cullen phase we encountered in our late
teens. He ruined us for all men. Twilight and every other wedding movie
scarred us for life. Every last one of
them fabricated this perfect idea of love.
I regret subjecting myself to Julia Roberts’ flawless beauty, every Bollywood
movie I ever watched (that is three hours of singing and dancing for each movie,
too many) and Ryan Reynolds’ good heart hidden within a body that looks like it
was sculpted by Michelangelo. When I saw
my best friend, behind her veil, with her dad on her side, every romantic
comedy just paled in comparison to the reality before my very eyes. Here is a girl, who is about to walk towards
the rest of her life. She does not know
what lies before her, but she trusts the guy waiting on the other side enough
to make a commitment that binds them together for the rest of their lives.
I choose to believe in love stories like that, mostly
because they are not love stories, they are love realities. A love reality where the guy, who is scared out
of his mind, but dies for his bride anyway because his love is unconditional…
oh wait, that was Jesus Christ, and that happened once for all time. My best friend did me one last favour as a
single woman when she chose to have the Gospel shared at her wedding
ceremony. I realised something that I
had previously been goaded into believing for years, only this time it was a
revelation I finally knew to be true- marriage is a God thing. It represents everything Jesus did for us
when He died to save us.
Ephesians 5:31-32 For
this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh. This
is a profound mystery- but I am talking about Christ and the Church. (NIV)
If the love of God is not written all over marriage, then it
is no better than some empty Hollywood movie with wooden actors. Human love is fickle, it changes like the
weather, it is flawed and someone’s heart is bound to get broken. But God’s love, God’s love supersedes human nature;
it is eternal, it is unconditional and holds people together. That is the love reality we should desire for
our lives.
Thank you K, now I understand. J
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