A Few Good Reasons

My best friend's wedding is looming around the corner and finding a wedding date has proven to be quite challenging.  I was considering holding auditions but I did not want to seem picky... then I found myself developing reasons to justify why I should avoid the inconvenience of a date.  Upon reflection of my complicated train of thought, I started thinking about all my other non-existent relationships and why I am still single. 

I drew up a list of reasons for my apparent  social dysfunction because I did not have enough Post-its to keep these reasons on my mirror, in the privacy of my own room.

1. I do not know how to make a good sandwich.

2.  I can make sandwiches, they just aren't good.

3.  Seriously, the bread falls apart and the filling becomes soggy- really bad sandwich.

4.  I am incapable of successfully engaging in small talk.
     Exhibit A
     Me: Hello
     Guy: Hello... I'm leaving now.

5.  They say, the first person you think about in a near-death experience, is the love of your life.  I have never had a near-death experience, but I got stuck in a turnstile once (same anxiety).

6.  If I find it hard to commit to finishing a book, then I probably will not commit to finishing this reason.

7.  The guy I would date is already in a long-term relationship with his boyfriend.

8.  Every time I quote Star Wars I involuntarily friend-zone myself.

9.  I am probably too busy watching Meredith Grey ruin things with McDreamy.

10.  Meredith Grey is enough evidence to prove why dark and twisty girls should not be in relationships.

11.  I already have friends who give me mixtapes, send me flowers and buy me jewellery.

12.  I can fix my own computer.

13.  I can fix most things actually- it's called YouTube, and it has DIY videos.

14.  I am still waiting for Tony Stark to dump Pepper Potts.

15.  I have taken up running.

16.  Running keeps your mind off the "objects" in life.

17.  Have you read Romeo and Juliet?

18.  If you had to count all the tears I had to wipe for my heartbroken friends, Kleenex would have to reimburse me. 

19.  The house with the white picket fence, dog and 2.4 children sounds boring.

20.  The last time someone tried to hug me from behind, I almost broke their nose.

21.  Actually I do not know how to hug people.  When people hug me I have to actively disengage ninja mode and tell myself, "It's okay, it will be over in a few seconds.  Sing a song, it will distract you from the invasion of your personal space."

22.  I hate wet towels, especially when they are on the floor.

23.  I am as proud and judgmental as Fitzwilliam Darcy.

24.  The US Shutdown, what is that all about?

25.  I am not 30 years old and still living with my parents, until that happens then we can call this a crisis and you can schedule an intervention.

26.  Two words:  Harvey Specter

27.  Two more words: Mike Ross

28.   I heard investment bankers marry waitresses.

29.  When other girls were learning the basics of flirting, I was kicking some guy's ass in maths.  (And it felt AWESOME!).

30.  I thought Skechers made me look cool.

31.  Apparently, blogging isn't cool either.

32.  As cute as the idea sounds, no one wants to date a guy who looks like he should join the cast of Big Bang Theory.

33.  I am an arrogant person.  You would know if you met me, because I am Legen... wait for it... Dary.

34.  No matter what any guy says, there is no way it would top anything Will Shakes has written.

35.  Have you read Extremely Blunt and Incredibly Awkward?  (There's a plethora of reasons I could just add to this list).

36.  #GenYProblems
       Exhibit B
       3 years ago-  You seemed really cool online but I hate who you are in real life.
       Present day- You seemed really cool in real life but I hate who you are online.

37.  Talking to yourself is not socially acceptable, in fact, that is how you alienate people.
 
38.  I cannot respect a person who does not know the difference between "lose" and "loose".
   
39.  I have not yet met someone who has mastered the forward moonwalk.

40.  I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's and now my expectations of life and love are more outrageous than ever before. 

Well, this was a trip.  In all seriousness, I have nothing against relationships,  I do believe they can be beneficial, given the right time and with the right person.  For the "Other" girl, it is not yet the time, and she has not met that person.